Hi. It has been a while. Four months to be exact. These past four months have been a true roller coaster. I have been hesitant to share my thoughts and experiences as they have not been as rosy/ happy as I hoped and 1. I don’t love talking about my feelings and 2. I don’t like to dwell on negativity. But I started this blog to share my pure and unadulterated feelings about my experiences in Belgium and it would be disingenuous to withhold much of what I have experienced just because it may be negative. With that being said, for the most part, my experience in Belgium has been wonderful. People have been super kind to me. I have been surrounded by family which has been really wonderful. Despite loving my wonderful family and having great people around me these past months have been kind of lonely. In November, I moved into my own place- I have 4 roommates and an AMAZING room (It is my dream room). I am kind of isolated and spend most of my days teaching and then I go home and hang out alone. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy my own company- I love Suze. She is a wonderful gal-but her jokes can be limited. This loneliness coupled with the dreariness of winter- there is no sun- and the difficulty of teaching has been hard on my spirit. I found myself a little more sensitive, a bit more emotional. I felt a bit dimmer. I will preface my teaching struggles by exposing myself as a person who believes that everyone has the right to knowledge and that I think that the English, coupled with a good education can change your socio-economic status. This belief was the reason I applied to be a Fulbright ETA. I wanted to help underserved people have access to opportunities that they didn’t before. I do realize that this sentiment is very naïve but it is the me I choose to be. I have been teaching at an after-school program in Molenbeek, which is a neighbourhood with a high Muslim and immigrant population. It's considered “the ghetto” and is in the middle of gentrification-which is a topic for another day. Anyways- the majority of my students are from this neighbourhood, and 75% of my classes are wonderful. They are cute, love-able and super adorable but I had one class that was -whew chile tew muchhh. They are a class of 15 to 18-year olds and they do not care about me at all. During class, they would make calls, talk and put on makeup among other things. I tried to vary the lessons and incorporate more games however the behavior continued despite my numerous protests. During one particularly ridiculous class, in December, I silenced them and told them that their behaviour has been super disrespectful and unfair to the students that actually want to learn something. I said that they were wasting their opportunity and my time. And guess what? THEY LAUGHED. They looked at me and straight-up laughed at me. I was shocked. I was triggered. My options were to throw a chair at them, cry or cuss them out. And so, I dismissed class early and when home to cry. I felt defeated. I honestly contemplated dropping that class. Throughout this teaching experience, I have been feeling a lot of pressure to be the “perfect teacher”. I feel like if I’m a sucky professor my students will go on to hate English for the remainder of their lives. And for some of these students, this is their last chance to learn basics before they graduate. If I left, I felt like would be condemning them and giving up on them. The whole reason I came to Brussels was to work with students that needed me and so I decided to give them a fresh slate with the new year. So far, they have been super wonderful. To be honest, I am VERY suspicious, and I don’t trust it. I have come to the realization- along with the help of some very wise friends that all I can do is give it my all. I can't force my students to love English- I have to be the best me I can be and hopefully they will see that I care about them and learn something- who knows. And with that lets dive into a travel update!
OCTOBER 2019- PARIS WITH EFFIE
One of the highlights of this month was going to PARIS- which is one of my favourite cities- with my sista from anotha mista Effie. We did a lot of tourist-y things. we went to Montmartre where we saw the Sacre- Coeur and the infamous love wall and we obviously saw the Eiffel tower. We also ate a TON of bread and spent some much needed time together. Effie is one of my favourite people and spending any time with her is a gift. My favourite part of the trip was watching Effie make friends with random people. She is genuinely one of the most friendly, sociable humans I have ever met. She managed to make friends with a random French dude who happened to be a burgeoning actor. Of course, she made me play translator (my french is trash) but nonetheless, it was a very fun and memorable trip.
OCTOBER 2019- LEUVEN
On Halloween my friend Stephanie and I decided to go to Leuven ; which is a town located about 30 minutes from Brussels. While we were there we visited the Abbey, the Leuven Botanical Garden, which is the oldest botanical garden in Belgium, dating back from 1738. It was GLORIOUS. There were so many beautiful plants and SO MUCH FOLIAGE. I was a wonderful day and to top it off a random man gave us 50 euros!
NOVEMBER 2019- THANKSGIVING
Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday. Christmas is the GOAT but I love Thanksgiving because it is uniquely American. In my household Thanksgiving is MY holiday. I make the menu, I make most of the food myself- my sister does the turkey. I love waking up on Thanksgiving day and prancing around the kitchen, cooking food and listening to Christmas music while my siblings frantically clean the house in anticipation of the guests my mother undoubtedly invited even though she said she wouldn't. I love the smell of green bean casserole in the oven and watching the cheese bubble in the mac n' cheese as I place it on the table. I love shooing my brother from the kitchen 30 times before dinner is served. I love the sound of silence that falls as everyone enters their respective food comas. I love the sound of a house full of warmth and loud laughs. Thanksgiving to me means family and this year I was sad to miss it. So my cousins and I hosted a friends-giving. We invited about 20ish people and cooked American dishes and guest brought whatever they could. It was so much fun! It was a great replacement for being at home with my family.
NOVEMBER- GERMANY
At the end of November I went to Berlin for a conference. While I was there I got to go to my first ever Christmas Market- if you know anything about me you'll know that Christmas for me isn't a season, its a lifestyle. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I got to taste some really tasty food- most of which I inhaled and forgot to document but it was fun. While in Berlin I also went to the Berlin wall, which was a sobering experience. I always feel weird taking pictures at monuments or museums like that- I want to document my experience but not at the cost of trivializing the experiences of those who suffered.
DECEMBER 2019- CHRISTMAS
Christmas was a blur. It came and went so fast I barely remember what happened. I do know there was a lot of food friends and laughter.
JANUARY 2020- PARIS
IN JANUARY MY MOM AND SISTERS CAME TO VISIT ME. It was so wonderful. They were with me for 4 days. We explored Brussels- there isn't much to explore and visited Paris (I LOVE THAT PLACE). We went to the Louvre and saw some beautiful artwork. My favorite part was watching my mother walk around the gift shop pointing at artwork she considered to be more beautiful than the Mona Lisa--out loud. I love my family so much and seeing them and spending time with them was the breath of fresh air I needed. It is weird to realize how much of myself is wrapped in them. It was the best way to start the year. Anyways thanks if you read all of my ramblings. I really appreciate you! Until next time. xx